SINISTER INCORPORATED

Are you one of those people who believes that spinning worlds and planets and stars and things decide what you are going to do in the day? Wow, you must be a bit weird then.

Never mind. There are lots of weirdos like you out there - in fact, I'm one of them myself, but I'm not quite sure how it all works exactly. It's either something to do with fluctuating gravitational fields from Saturn and electron pulses from the distant suns out there, or there's like, this big bloke out there sticking pins into sort of cosmic adverts in an enormous newspaper type thing that's full of all sorts of different options for people to do - a bit like a lottery machine but without the bonus ball.

Erm, anyway...here are some sort of Horoscope thingies for you, with apologies to AA Milne, Irvine Welsh, the creators of South Park and Quentin Tarantino. Please don't kill me.

Winnie-the-Pooh Horoscopes

Trainscoping

South Park Horoscopes

Quentin Tarantino Horoscopes