SINISTER INCORPORATED

Our founders and indeed many of our henchmen may have split from their motherland of England to found their own island state, but we, the people and followers of the great organisation that is S.INC still regard ourselves as English in one important respect, yes, we still hate the French.

Those of you who have bothered to read the history of Sinister Incorporated will note that we have been engaged in a subversive, and at times open war with the evil empire of France for some years now. We have placed the lives of our dedicated members on the line where the weak nations of Earth merely place their words. We expect supreme victory very soon – in fact we see the destruction of France as our first major milestone towards conquering the planet – not because they are powerful, far from it, but because they are CRAP and IN THE WAY.

In S.INC, EVERYONE hates the French. It is the lawful duty of all our members and we make no pretence to like them people unlike most of the countries of Earth. Let's be honest for a moment, you don't have to be a world-class Supervillain  to see what we're talking about. YOU hate them too...don't you?

No-one likes the French, not even the French themselves!

Here are some reasons why (as if we needed any) in no particular order:  

They have agents in England actively working against the sliced loaf

They drive on the wrong side of the road

They don't like pine trees Their Government has banned the red and white stripy drinking straw

Their money is worthless

They charge extortionate amounts of their worthless money for a simple can of Coke

They steal words from us like "weekend" and "cafe"(note to the various fuckwits who have pointed out to me over the years that "cafe" is a French word - YES I KNOW - IT'S CALLED IRONY)

They eat horses (live) They stole the plans for the Blackpool Tower and stuck it on top of their own worthless effort

Which is, incidentally, a not-so secret missile silo pointed at London And not the original one anyway (see our controversial Nazi pages to find out why)

They don't have a word for "seventy" but instead say "sixty-ten" (unless they are French-Canadian)

But this doesn't really matter anyway since you won't be able to find a Frenchie that can count beyond five

They can't even add up four Musketeers without thinking there are only three of them

They don't like us (the English that is)

They befriended the Scottish just because they don't like us either

And the Americans

And then they blockaded our shores to stop us sending troops over to America during their revolution (swines!).

Then, realising that the Americans were a tad more powerful then they were, they built this thing for them (Hideous isn't it?) If this isn't the biggest example of a wimp giving a playground bully a present so he won't get thumped, I dunno what is Now they are sucking up to the Germans so they won't get invaded...AGAIN

They drive stupid cars with silly names

And daft suspension systems

That don't work properly

They spit when they talk and try and convince everyone else that this is the "proper" way to speak their ugly language rather than just a symptom of their slack-jawed attitude to life

They don't roller-skate

Their mountains are bigger then ours

Not that size matters or anything

They are crap at fighting

And they refused to fight properly at all in the Second World War They surrendered massive amounts of their own men and equipment at Dunkirk, despite being given the opportunity to fight from Britain's shores and despite surrender being absolutely the worst option and most definite LAST RESORT in the Frenchie's OWN code of military conduct

They spread myths about the French Resistance during the War, even though such a force DID NOT EXIST

Rather than fight tooth and nail for their CAPITAL CITY like the British did, they declared it a FREE CITY and let anyone with so much as a pocket catapult walk in to invade it UNHINDERED

When Paris was finally liberated by the ENGLISH and the Americans (grudgingly admitted by us, credit where it's due and all that), they INVENTED stories about how French people rose up and kicked the Germans from the city themselves

They are a nation of COLLABORATORS

Years later, as "gratitude" for bailing his country out of the shit, a certain Charles De Gaulle, a man who had co-ordinated his nation's pathetic fighting forces from the safety of Britain's shores during the war, now President of France, TWICE vetoed Britain's entry into the EEC.

TWICE

Only when he was DEAD was Britain allowed entry Not that Britain needs to be a member of their impotent club anyway

Joan of Arc was a LESBIAN

They don't subscribe to quantum theory or temporal mechanics

They have better weather than we do

Their country is a funny shape

They have never scored a goal against England at Wembley

Oh shit (10/02/99) !

They have never won the World Cup Arse

They made me change this document!!

They have never won a war against England (no, 1066 does NOT count, those people were NORMANS, Viking descendants trying to escape from the appalling French)

They get their kicks blowing up UNARMED Greenpeace ships in FOREIGN ports.

his monstrosity is an ARCH, NOT AN ARC (NB for morons - this is SATIR)

THIS IS AN ARK (Spelt properly you note)

Napoleon kept losing So much so in fact, he planted trees along the "Champs Elysee" so that invading troops could march in the shade

They are crap at Chess

They "invent" new styles of cooking to disguise the fact that the cook fucked up in the preparation

The worst thing about it is, people are actually TAKEN IN by this bullshit

They criticise US for our dress-style, yeah, and I suppose Jean-Paul Gaultier is NORMAL is he?

As is a stripy top and beret

And since when did ONIONS become a fashion accessory?

They are so ugly, one of their national heroes is a bell-ringing hunchback

And another one of their trend-setters is a sword-wielding MANIAC with a huge nose

They have disfigured teeth Striking is a national sport

As is sheep-burning

They are a nation of COMMUNIST AGITATORS

Their foreign policy basically boils down to nuking the odd uninhabited island and killing anyone who complains when it is pointed out to them that this is UNNECESSARY

They seem to have difficulty pronouncing and spelling the word CASTLE I mean, what the FUCK is a "Chateau"?(NB for idiots - this is a further example of irony)

They wear funny boots

They kiss EVERYONE

They didn't build Stonehenge, HA!

Asterix is a stupid name for a cartoon character  

If YOU have any gripes against the French, don't forget to drop us a line and we will be sure to include them

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