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ANTI-FRENCH JOKES
We have recently been sent a spate of Anti-French humour, and it was beginning to clog up the Guestbook - so here we present our very own French humour page! As with the Guestbook, all comments, names and details are presented as they were submitted to us and we accept no responsibility for the fact that it seems that half the planet has forgotten how to spell... You can send us your own jokes through the Comments page.
(166) Date: 27/04/04 Name: Joseph Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s):
Here's a French joke: Erm, nice joke - except that France never had a "Civil War", at least not a war with that name.
(165) Date: 27/04/04 Name: Karl Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s):
Q. What's the similarity between a french women and a bunjee jump?
(164) Date: 18/04/04 Name: Bryce Powers Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Paris - April 8, 2004 - French Interior Minister Jean-Pierre Lafontaine
announced today that, due to the recent terrorist bombings in Spain, France's
Terror Alert Level has been raised from "Run" to "Hide."
Mr. Lafontaine further added that if the bombings continue, the Terror Alert
Level would be increased to "Surrender and collaborate."
(163) Date: 16/04/04 Name: Maggie Thrasher Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Q: Why are there so many trees in & around Paris?
(162) Date: 16/04/04 Name: Clint Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s):
Here's a Joke for the anti-French jokes page.
(161) Date: 31/03/04 Name: David (Unagi) Shenosky Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s):
Here is a good french (undercased on porpuseifiction) joke...
(160) Date: 16/03/04 Name: Asta Sex: female Age: Under 15 Joke(s):
Q.How can you identify a French Infantryman?
(159) Date: 19/12/03 Name: Randy S Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): It's
a little long, but anything that will degrade, humialiate or upset those
nasty, disgusting, delusional subhumans is worth the reading...
(158) Date: 16/12/03 Name: Stevan H Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s):
"A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle,the
French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the
French general began to question him. The French general asked, "Why do
you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes
you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
(157) Date: 27/11/03 Name: Tory Walbe Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): I have a french joke for you: Why do the french hate history class? They keep repeating it :]
(156) Date: 25/11/03 Name: Murrey Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Q: Whats the difference between a dead rabbit on the road, and a dead
Frenchman on the road?
(155) Date: 10/11/03 Name: Right Wing Man Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Here's a French Joke: Q: What's the difference between toilet paper, and the French flag? A: Nothing. They're both all-white, and they share the same purpose.
(154) Date: 03/11/03 Name: John Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): How did the Nazis convince the French that they weren't invading? They marched in backwards and told them they were leaving.
(153) Date: 02/10/03 Name: Big D Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Q. What is the frenchs weight loss secert A. Bowing to country's that invade them I know its dumb
(152) Date: 06/09/03 Name: Glenn Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
The french government advised its citizens to seek relief from the heat wave
by taking a cold shower or bath.
(151) Date: 06/09/03 Name: Glenn Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Thousands
of have died in France because of a heat wave.
(150) Date: 06/09/03 Name: Glenn Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
French Knock Knock Joke:
(149) Date: 29/08/03 Name: SGT Scott W. Boudreau Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Be advised that due to the recent heatwave in France and the resulting death, that the French government is speeding up it's space program. They intend to send documents of surrender to the Sun.
(148) Date: 20/07/03 Name: Jon von Gillern Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): what is orange and red and looks good on a frenchman? Fire
(147) Date: 28/05/03 Name: Matthew R Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q:
What do you call a bunch of French men with their arms held in the air?
A: The French Army
(146) Date: 28/05/03 Name: Not given Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s):
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO GIVE 'SARS' A GOOD NAME? (145) Date: 25/05/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q:
How do you get a French immigrant off your porch?
(144) Date: 21/05/03 Name: Jo Malley Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s):
While travelling in Europe, a young man stoped in Munich, Germany. He was
(143) Date: 20/05/03 Name: Jesse Goober Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): this
is a 3 parter "Drownding"?!?!
(142) Date: 20/05/03 Name: Ian Jarlett Sex: noit given Age: not given Joke(s):
Just read the French Jokes, and couldn't help but add another !!
(141) Date: 14/06/03 Name: demas esberger Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): i
gotta joke 4 u:
(140) Date: 16/06/03 Name: Dan Proctor Sex: female (virgin) Do I need to know this? Age: 13 Joke(s):
Joke: What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?
Linoleum Blownapart
(139) Date: 30/04/03 Name: Dale H Carruto Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Q: How many times has the Arce de Triumphe in Paris been used? A: Twice...By the Germans
(138) Date: 30/04/03 Name: Chris Saam Sex: Not given Age: Not given Joke(s):
A Texan, an Englishman and a Frenchman are having a drink.
(137) Date: 30/04/03 Name: Not given Sex: Not given Age: Not given Joke(s): What
do you call it when half the pop. of France runs north and the other half runs
south?
(136) Date: 27/04/03 Name: Andrew Payne Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
A French diplomat is spending some time in an Iraqi military base. After a few
weeks he asks a soldier what they do for sex. The soldier leads him behind the
mess tent and points to the camel. The diplomat recoils in horror. After a few
more weeks the same soldier walks behind the mess tent and sees the diplomat
on a stool behind the camel humping away(no pun intended). The soldier cries
out in alarm.."What do you think you are doing to our camel?" The
diplomat replies"Well, you are the one who told me I should use her for
sex". The soldier says "Yes, but we usually ride her to town and get
ourselves a woman".
(135) Date: 15/04/03 Name: Ryan Sepanek Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER Thanks, but did you really need to send this to me 4 times?
(134) Date: 14/04/03 Name: Deniece Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): French's
Mustard
(133) Date: 13/04/03 Name: Pender Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France? Because she has only one arm raised.
(132) Date: 10/04/03 Name: John Masson Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): From
the archives of John Masson San Francisco
(131) Date: 10/04/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Q. How do you stop a French tank? A. Say "boo"
(130) Date: 09/04/03 Name: Chester Otis Flugalmyster Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
(129) Date: 09/04/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Hey ! Do you know what's the difference between a Frenchman and a chimpansee ? - One of them is hairy, stinky, and scratches his ass all the time. The other is a chimpansee.
(128) Date: 08/04/03 Name: David A. Stinson Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): The French Army Theme Song: "Be Our Guest!! Be Our Guest!!!"
(127) Date: 08/04/03 Name: Jesse Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): why do the french get more votes in the U.N. Vote with both hands
(126) Date: 08/04/03 Name: Jane Kurecki Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): Thank
you for taking your time and typing all of the anti-french jokes. I enjoyed
them, and appreciate you taking the time to type them all out. I have
one for you, but I don't know if it's for public consumption.
(125) Date: 08/04/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q:
Why are there so many trees surrounding Paris? A: Becsause the German
panzers cant move through a forest
(124) Date: 07/04/03 Name: Frank Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): A
lady bought a new Lexus, and returned the next day, complaining that the radio
didn't work.
(123) Date: 06/04/03 Name: not given Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): The Surgeon General got a new law passed: all cigarette boxes must have a picture of a French guy on it.
(122) Date: 05/04/03 Name: Joe Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q: How many jokes are there about the French? A: One, the rest are true
(121) Date: 05/04/03 Name: john Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): when god created the earth, he created this one place that was especially nice. it had big, nice mountains, nice cities, the wine fields, etc... He called it France. So when god created the rest of the world, everybody was like "why the hell does France get all the nice stuff?" since god was a nice and fair guy, he created the French people.
(120) Date: 04/04/03 Name: Ms Aurelie Catena Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): Hi!
(119) Date: 03/04/03 Name: John Peck Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): You see a beret zigzagging down the Champs Elysee and shrieking for help in a high squeaky voice. How do you explain this thing? Someone slipped Jacques Chirac a laxative.
(118) Date: 02/04/03 Name: Alex Sex: male Age: 25 to 30 Joke(s): Three
doctors are at lunch when the one doctor brings up the easiest surgery he's
ever done.
(117) Date: 02/04/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Anti-French
Joke: You have a gun containing only two bullets. You are thrown into a
padded cell where you see before you a
(116) Date: 30/03/03 Name: Bob Pearson Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Several years from now Tony Blair calls Jaques Chirac to say hello and the receptionist informs him "Sir I'm sorry to say Mr. Chirac has died and so can not take your call. Can I transfer you to someone else?" Mr Blair, "No no that's ok. My condolences." 2 minutes later the receptionist gets another call from Mr. Blair asking if Jaques Chirac is there. The receptionist again says no sir I'm sorry he's passed away. 2 minutes later the receptionist receives another call from Mr. Blair asking again for Jaquess Chirac. The receptionist this time questions, "Sir as I've already told you he has died. Why do you keep calling?" Tony Blair "Oh I'm sorry to bother you, but I just love hearing that"
(115) Date: 30/03/03 Name: mikey figs Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): what is the frech favorite movie? the running man
(114) Date: 29/03/03 Name: Judy Allbright Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): Three expectant fathers, an American, a Jamaican, and a Frenchman, were in the hospital waiting room. A doctor comes in and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, "The good news is that you each are the father of a healthy baby boy. The bad news is that we've mixed them up." The three new fathers walk into the nursery. The American guy goes right to the Jamaican baby, picks him up and starts rocking him. "What are you doing?" the Jamaican guy asks, "That is obviously my son." "I know," said the American guy, "but I didn't want to accidentally get the French kid."
(113) Date: 28/03/03 Name: Craig Wheeler Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): "During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops." "The Germans then lit them and threw them back."
(112) Date: 28/03/03 Name: John Peck Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): The most dangerous game. What is the French version of Russian Roulette? Five felatrixes and one cannibal in a dark room.
(111) Date: 27/03/03 Name: Corey Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q.What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school? A.How to say "We Surrender" in German!
(110) Date: 27/03/03 Name: Christophe Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Here is a good one Q: How does the a French soldier salute. A: Buy putting his hand up and saying "pleez don't kill me"
(109) Date: 27/03/03 Name: Christophe Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Here is a good one Q: Why don't cheesburgers sell well in France A: Because they don't smell like crap.
(108) Date: 26/03/03 Name: Robert Tarini Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): When is it white laundry day in France? Never, any white laundry in france is already hung up on a stick being waved
(107) Date: 23/03/03 Name: sassyknack Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Hope
yoo liked my last original joke - so here's anuvver newun.
(106) Date: 23/03/03 Name: Daavid Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): French President Jaques Chirac, tired of all of the anti-french jokes, since the start of the United States lead invasion of Iraq, has announced with great national pride that the super secret French Space Agency will send the first manned mission of three French astronauts to land, and walk on the Sun. President Chirac stated " This mission will be of historic important to the world, and restore France's rightful place in the history of the world" NASSA space scientist's, stunned at the news, asked Mr. Chirca what technology they had developed to keep the astronauts from burning up long before they reached the Sun? The French President sniffed and replied " Don't be stupid, we are going at night".
(105) Date: 23/03/03 Name: K Jell Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): What's the difference between Iraq and france? Iraq has had a Baath party for years. And, france hasn't had a party to a bath in years. :-)
(104) Date: 22/03/03 Name: Pete Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): You
are the President of the United States of American, when it is announced that
an asteroid about the size of France capable of completely destroying the
country is headed straight for it. It is calculated that it will strike France
at 2:30 in the morning in two days. United Nation's and the French
president plead with you to deploy planes and ships away from The War on
Terror and the war in Iraq to help defend the country. You are the president
of the greatest and most powerful nation on earth. What do you do?
(103) Date: 21/03/03 Name: Chuck Keelan Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q: What French citation has never been awarded? A: La Croix du Guerre.
(102) Date: 21/03/03 Name: ToastedKoala Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Why did the French name their capital PARIS? It stands for Population Are Running..I Surrender!
(101) Date: 20/03/03 Name: Noel Nelson Sex: Male Age: not given Joke(s): Q. How many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
(100) Hooray! Date: 19/03/03 Name: Gino Pezella Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. He tells him that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered him. The dad asked him what it was. The boy told him that they told him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did that. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made"
(99) Date: 19/03/03 Name: Bill Romo Sex: male Age: 50+ Joke(s): What are the tall steeples on French churches now called? Minarets!
(98) Date: 19/03/03 Name: Not given Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
(97) Date: 19/03/03 Name: Not given Sex: male Age: 21 to 25 Joke(s): Q:
What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? A: Semper Fi (always first) Thank you to the three million people who wrote to me to correct this - apparently it actjually manes "always faithful".
(96) Date: 18/03/03 Name: steve Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
(95) Date: 18/03/03 Name: Christophe Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage? A: Their armpits
(94) Date: 18/03/03 Name: Steven Louis Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Another
French joke, as if one could know too many ;)
(93) Date: 18/03/03 Name: Brandon from Texas Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q: Whats the difference between a frenchmen and a bucket of shit? A: The bucket
(92) Date: 16/03/03 Name: Larry Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves.
(91) Date: 16/03/03 Name: sassyknack Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Your
Anti-French jokes are beginning to wear a biy thin and have been plagerised
all over the net....... (hey,
that's not my fault!) (90) Date: 15/03/03 Name: Mark & Sonya Jefferson Sex: male and female Age: not given Joke(s): What do you call a french man killed defending his country? ... I don't know either, its never happened!
(89) Date: 15/03/03 Name: Mitch from The Colonies Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? A: "Speed bump ahead"
(88) Date: 14/03/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Abolish the tricolor in favour of new flag: a white cross emblazoned on a white background
(87) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Frank Gavel Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.
(86) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Frank Gavel Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? A: 3 if you slice them thin enough.
(85) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Patrick MacDonald Sex: male Age: 14/ Joke(s): "I
just love the French. They taste like chicken!"
(84) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Steve Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): What is the differance between American fries and French fries? Courage!!
(83) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Mitch Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Member
nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of technological
(82) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Jackie Mulligan Sex: female Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city street. One British, one American, one French. They all seem intent on mugging you. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. What do you do? Answer: Shoot the Frenchman twice. Good day! You know which page to go to go if you want to complain about this. Please refer to the disclaimer at the bottom of the page first though.
(81) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Jon Winter Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? Don't want their record for surrender broken.
(80) Date: 12/03/03 Name: John Field Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Why
did the French send Lady Liberty to America?
(79) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Allison Sex: male (?) Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Q:
Why do french people always wear yellow?
(78) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Mr. Clark Sex: male Age: Old as the hilla Joke(s): A
good joke:
(77) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Jeff Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Why
do the French never perform “the wave” at a soccer game?
(76) Date: 11/03/03 Name: Jay D. Dyson Sex: male Age: Old as the hils Joke(s): Q:
What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
(75) Date: 11/03/03 Name: mr. roby Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor?
(74) Date: 10/03/03 Name: Randy Sex: male Age: not given Here, there might be a french joke or 2 you haven't heard... (removed the ones I've already got) Joke(s):
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac,
President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh
(73) Date: 08/03/02 Name: Alison Reilly Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned
bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from
birth. | |||||
