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ANTI-FRENCH JOKES
We have recently been sent a spate of Anti-French humour, and it was beginning to clog up the Guestbook - so here we present our very own French humour page! As with the Guestbook, all comments, names and details are presented as they were submitted to us and we accept no responsibility for the fact that it seems that half the planet has forgotten how to spell... You can send us your own jokes through the Comments page.
(166) Date: 27/04/04 Name: Joseph Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s):
Here's a French joke: Erm, nice joke - except that France never had a "Civil War", at least not a war with that name.
(165) Date: 27/04/04 Name: Karl Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s):
Q. What's the similarity between a french women and a bunjee jump?
(164) Date: 18/04/04 Name: Bryce Powers Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Paris - April 8, 2004 - French Interior Minister Jean-Pierre Lafontaine
announced today that, due to the recent terrorist bombings in Spain, France's
Terror Alert Level has been raised from "Run" to "Hide."
Mr. Lafontaine further added that if the bombings continue, the Terror Alert
Level would be increased to "Surrender and collaborate."
(163) Date: 16/04/04 Name: Maggie Thrasher Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Q: Why are there so many trees in & around Paris?
(162) Date: 16/04/04 Name: Clint Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s):
Here's a Joke for the anti-French jokes page.
(161) Date: 31/03/04 Name: David (Unagi) Shenosky Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s):
Here is a good french (undercased on porpuseifiction) joke...
(160) Date: 16/03/04 Name: Asta Sex: female Age: Under 15 Joke(s):
Q.How can you identify a French Infantryman?
(159) Date: 19/12/03 Name: Randy S Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): It's
a little long, but anything that will degrade, humialiate or upset those
nasty, disgusting, delusional subhumans is worth the reading...
(158) Date: 16/12/03 Name: Stevan H Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s):
"A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle,the
French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the
French general began to question him. The French general asked, "Why do
you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes
you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
(157) Date: 27/11/03 Name: Tory Walbe Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): I have a french joke for you: Why do the french hate history class? They keep repeating it :]
(156) Date: 25/11/03 Name: Murrey Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Q: Whats the difference between a dead rabbit on the road, and a dead
Frenchman on the road?
(155) Date: 10/11/03 Name: Right Wing Man Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Here's a French Joke: Q: What's the difference between toilet paper, and the French flag? A: Nothing. They're both all-white, and they share the same purpose.
(154) Date: 03/11/03 Name: John Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): How did the Nazis convince the French that they weren't invading? They marched in backwards and told them they were leaving.
(153) Date: 02/10/03 Name: Big D Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Q. What is the frenchs weight loss secert A. Bowing to country's that invade them I know its dumb
(152) Date: 06/09/03 Name: Glenn Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
The french government advised its citizens to seek relief from the heat wave
by taking a cold shower or bath.
(151) Date: 06/09/03 Name: Glenn Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Thousands
of have died in France because of a heat wave.
(150) Date: 06/09/03 Name: Glenn Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
French Knock Knock Joke:
(149) Date: 29/08/03 Name: SGT Scott W. Boudreau Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Be advised that due to the recent heatwave in France and the resulting death, that the French government is speeding up it's space program. They intend to send documents of surrender to the Sun.
(148) Date: 20/07/03 Name: Jon von Gillern Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): what is orange and red and looks good on a frenchman? Fire
(147) Date: 28/05/03 Name: Matthew R Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q:
What do you call a bunch of French men with their arms held in the air?
A: The French Army
(146) Date: 28/05/03 Name: Not given Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s):
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO GIVE 'SARS' A GOOD NAME? (145) Date: 25/05/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q:
How do you get a French immigrant off your porch?
(144) Date: 21/05/03 Name: Jo Malley Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s):
While travelling in Europe, a young man stoped in Munich, Germany. He was
(143) Date: 20/05/03 Name: Jesse Goober Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): this
is a 3 parter "Drownding"?!?!
(142) Date: 20/05/03 Name: Ian Jarlett Sex: noit given Age: not given Joke(s):
Just read the French Jokes, and couldn't help but add another !!
(141) Date: 14/06/03 Name: demas esberger Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): i
gotta joke 4 u:
(140) Date: 16/06/03 Name: Dan Proctor Sex: female (virgin) Do I need to know this? Age: 13 Joke(s):
Joke: What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?
Linoleum Blownapart
(139) Date: 30/04/03 Name: Dale H Carruto Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Q: How many times has the Arce de Triumphe in Paris been used? A: Twice...By the Germans
(138) Date: 30/04/03 Name: Chris Saam Sex: Not given Age: Not given Joke(s):
A Texan, an Englishman and a Frenchman are having a drink.
(137) Date: 30/04/03 Name: Not given Sex: Not given Age: Not given Joke(s): What
do you call it when half the pop. of France runs north and the other half runs
south?
(136) Date: 27/04/03 Name: Andrew Payne Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
A French diplomat is spending some time in an Iraqi military base. After a few
weeks he asks a soldier what they do for sex. The soldier leads him behind the
mess tent and points to the camel. The diplomat recoils in horror. After a few
more weeks the same soldier walks behind the mess tent and sees the diplomat
on a stool behind the camel humping away(no pun intended). The soldier cries
out in alarm.."What do you think you are doing to our camel?" The
diplomat replies"Well, you are the one who told me I should use her for
sex". The soldier says "Yes, but we usually ride her to town and get
ourselves a woman".
(135) Date: 15/04/03 Name: Ryan Sepanek Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER Thanks, but did you really need to send this to me 4 times?
(134) Date: 14/04/03 Name: Deniece Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): French's
Mustard
(133) Date: 13/04/03 Name: Pender Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France? Because she has only one arm raised.
(132) Date: 10/04/03 Name: John Masson Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): From
the archives of John Masson San Francisco
(131) Date: 10/04/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Q. How do you stop a French tank? A. Say "boo"
(130) Date: 09/04/03 Name: Chester Otis Flugalmyster Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): How do you separate the men from the boys in France? With a crowbar.
(129) Date: 09/04/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Hey ! Do you know what's the difference between a Frenchman and a chimpansee ? - One of them is hairy, stinky, and scratches his ass all the time. The other is a chimpansee.
(128) Date: 08/04/03 Name: David A. Stinson Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): The French Army Theme Song: "Be Our Guest!! Be Our Guest!!!"
(127) Date: 08/04/03 Name: Jesse Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): why do the french get more votes in the U.N. Vote with both hands
(126) Date: 08/04/03 Name: Jane Kurecki Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): Thank
you for taking your time and typing all of the anti-french jokes. I enjoyed
them, and appreciate you taking the time to type them all out. I have
one for you, but I don't know if it's for public consumption.
(125) Date: 08/04/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q:
Why are there so many trees surrounding Paris? A: Becsause the German
panzers cant move through a forest
(124) Date: 07/04/03 Name: Frank Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): A
lady bought a new Lexus, and returned the next day, complaining that the radio
didn't work.
(123) Date: 06/04/03 Name: not given Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): The Surgeon General got a new law passed: all cigarette boxes must have a picture of a French guy on it.
(122) Date: 05/04/03 Name: Joe Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q: How many jokes are there about the French? A: One, the rest are true
(121) Date: 05/04/03 Name: john Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): when god created the earth, he created this one place that was especially nice. it had big, nice mountains, nice cities, the wine fields, etc... He called it France. So when god created the rest of the world, everybody was like "why the hell does France get all the nice stuff?" since god was a nice and fair guy, he created the French people.
(120) Date: 04/04/03 Name: Ms Aurelie Catena Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): Hi!
(119) Date: 03/04/03 Name: John Peck Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): You see a beret zigzagging down the Champs Elysee and shrieking for help in a high squeaky voice. How do you explain this thing? Someone slipped Jacques Chirac a laxative.
(118) Date: 02/04/03 Name: Alex Sex: male Age: 25 to 30 Joke(s): Three
doctors are at lunch when the one doctor brings up the easiest surgery he's
ever done.
(117) Date: 02/04/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Anti-French
Joke: You have a gun containing only two bullets. You are thrown into a
padded cell where you see before you a
(116) Date: 30/03/03 Name: Bob Pearson Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Several years from now Tony Blair calls Jaques Chirac to say hello and the receptionist informs him "Sir I'm sorry to say Mr. Chirac has died and so can not take your call. Can I transfer you to someone else?" Mr Blair, "No no that's ok. My condolences." 2 minutes later the receptionist gets another call from Mr. Blair asking if Jaques Chirac is there. The receptionist again says no sir I'm sorry he's passed away. 2 minutes later the receptionist receives another call from Mr. Blair asking again for Jaquess Chirac. The receptionist this time questions, "Sir as I've already told you he has died. Why do you keep calling?" Tony Blair "Oh I'm sorry to bother you, but I just love hearing that"
(115) Date: 30/03/03 Name: mikey figs Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): what is the frech favorite movie? the running man
(114) Date: 29/03/03 Name: Judy Allbright Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): Three expectant fathers, an American, a Jamaican, and a Frenchman, were in the hospital waiting room. A doctor comes in and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, "The good news is that you each are the father of a healthy baby boy. The bad news is that we've mixed them up." The three new fathers walk into the nursery. The American guy goes right to the Jamaican baby, picks him up and starts rocking him. "What are you doing?" the Jamaican guy asks, "That is obviously my son." "I know," said the American guy, "but I didn't want to accidentally get the French kid."
(113) Date: 28/03/03 Name: Craig Wheeler Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): "During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops." "The Germans then lit them and threw them back."
(112) Date: 28/03/03 Name: John Peck Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): The most dangerous game. What is the French version of Russian Roulette? Five felatrixes and one cannibal in a dark room.
(111) Date: 27/03/03 Name: Corey Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q.What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school? A.How to say "We Surrender" in German!
(110) Date: 27/03/03 Name: Christophe Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Here is a good one Q: How does the a French soldier salute. A: Buy putting his hand up and saying "pleez don't kill me"
(109) Date: 27/03/03 Name: Christophe Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Here is a good one Q: Why don't cheesburgers sell well in France A: Because they don't smell like crap.
(108) Date: 26/03/03 Name: Robert Tarini Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): When is it white laundry day in France? Never, any white laundry in france is already hung up on a stick being waved
(107) Date: 23/03/03 Name: sassyknack Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Hope
yoo liked my last original joke - so here's anuvver newun.
(106) Date: 23/03/03 Name: Daavid Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): French President Jaques Chirac, tired of all of the anti-french jokes, since the start of the United States lead invasion of Iraq, has announced with great national pride that the super secret French Space Agency will send the first manned mission of three French astronauts to land, and walk on the Sun. President Chirac stated " This mission will be of historic important to the world, and restore France's rightful place in the history of the world" NASSA space scientist's, stunned at the news, asked Mr. Chirca what technology they had developed to keep the astronauts from burning up long before they reached the Sun? The French President sniffed and replied " Don't be stupid, we are going at night".
(105) Date: 23/03/03 Name: K Jell Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): What's the difference between Iraq and france? Iraq has had a Baath party for years. And, france hasn't had a party to a bath in years. :-)
(104) Date: 22/03/03 Name: Pete Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): You
are the President of the United States of American, when it is announced that
an asteroid about the size of France capable of completely destroying the
country is headed straight for it. It is calculated that it will strike France
at 2:30 in the morning in two days. United Nation's and the French
president plead with you to deploy planes and ships away from The War on
Terror and the war in Iraq to help defend the country. You are the president
of the greatest and most powerful nation on earth. What do you do?
(103) Date: 21/03/03 Name: Chuck Keelan Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q: What French citation has never been awarded? A: La Croix du Guerre.
(102) Date: 21/03/03 Name: ToastedKoala Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Why did the French name their capital PARIS? It stands for Population Are Running..I Surrender!
(101) Date: 20/03/03 Name: Noel Nelson Sex: Male Age: not given Joke(s): Q. How many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
(100) Hooray! Date: 19/03/03 Name: Gino Pezella Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. He tells him that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered him. The dad asked him what it was. The boy told him that they told him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did that. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made"
(99) Date: 19/03/03 Name: Bill Romo Sex: male Age: 50+ Joke(s): What are the tall steeples on French churches now called? Minarets!
(98) Date: 19/03/03 Name: Not given Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
(97) Date: 19/03/03 Name: Not given Sex: male Age: 21 to 25 Joke(s): Q:
What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? A: Semper Fi (always first) Thank you to the three million people who wrote to me to correct this - apparently it actjually manes "always faithful".
(96) Date: 18/03/03 Name: steve Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
(95) Date: 18/03/03 Name: Christophe Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage? A: Their armpits
(94) Date: 18/03/03 Name: Steven Louis Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Another
French joke, as if one could know too many ;)
(93) Date: 18/03/03 Name: Brandon from Texas Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q: Whats the difference between a frenchmen and a bucket of shit? A: The bucket
(92) Date: 16/03/03 Name: Larry Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves.
(91) Date: 16/03/03 Name: sassyknack Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Your
Anti-French jokes are beginning to wear a biy thin and have been plagerised
all over the net....... (hey,
that's not my fault!) (90) Date: 15/03/03 Name: Mark & Sonya Jefferson Sex: male and female Age: not given Joke(s): What do you call a french man killed defending his country? ... I don't know either, its never happened!
(89) Date: 15/03/03 Name: Mitch from The Colonies Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? A: "Speed bump ahead"
(88) Date: 14/03/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Abolish the tricolor in favour of new flag: a white cross emblazoned on a white background
(87) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Frank Gavel Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.
(86) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Frank Gavel Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? A: 3 if you slice them thin enough.
(85) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Patrick MacDonald Sex: male Age: 14/ Joke(s): "I
just love the French. They taste like chicken!"
(84) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Steve Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): What is the differance between American fries and French fries? Courage!!
(83) Date: 14/03/03 Name: Mitch Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Member
nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of technological
(82) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Jackie Mulligan Sex: female Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city street. One British, one American, one French. They all seem intent on mugging you. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. What do you do? Answer: Shoot the Frenchman twice. Good day! You know which page to go to go if you want to complain about this. Please refer to the disclaimer at the bottom of the page first though.
(81) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Jon Winter Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? Don't want their record for surrender broken.
(80) Date: 12/03/03 Name: John Field Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Why
did the French send Lady Liberty to America?
(79) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Allison Sex: male (?) Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Q:
Why do french people always wear yellow?
(78) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Mr. Clark Sex: male Age: Old as the hilla Joke(s): A
good joke:
(77) Date: 12/03/03 Name: Jeff Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Why
do the French never perform “the wave” at a soccer game?
(76) Date: 11/03/03 Name: Jay D. Dyson Sex: male Age: Old as the hils Joke(s): Q:
What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
(75) Date: 11/03/03 Name: mr. roby Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor?
(74) Date: 10/03/03 Name: Randy Sex: male Age: not given Here, there might be a french joke or 2 you haven't heard... (removed the ones I've already got) Joke(s):
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac,
President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh
(73) Date: 08/03/02 Name: Alison Reilly Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned
bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from
birth. Thanks to the three-dozen people and counting) who've sent me this joke. You can stop now - no really, you can.
(72) Date: 08/03/03 Name: Andy Scott Patton Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish?
(71) Date: 07/03/02 Name: Jacques Chie Raque Sex: male Age: 25 to 30 Joke(s): Do you know why french people are Number One for perfume? because the atmosphere does not have a nice odor.
(70) Date: 07/03/02 Name: AIM- "app288" Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s):
The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed
middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.
(69) Date: 06/03/02 Name: Randy Sex: male Age: 40-50 Joke(s): The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!
(68) Date: 06/03/02 Name: Jim Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Question: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
(67) Date: 05/03/02 Name: El Pato Que Dice Quack Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Why does the French Navy suck? Because cardboard doesn't float!
(66) Date: 05/03/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Q: what the frenchmen can do in 5 minutes ? A: surrender .......... TWICE !!
(65) Date: 05/03/03 Name: The Funk Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s):
I got a French Joke!
(64) Date: 03/03/03 Name: Craig Brockman Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" Frenchman: "No." American: "You're Welcome!
(63) Date: 01/03/03 Name: David Sowell Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
I wrote a new French joke today:
(62) Date: 28/02/03 Name: Conor Coleman Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): What's the difference between toast and frenchmen? You can make soldiers out of toast!
(61) Date: 28/02/03 Name: not given Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Q. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? A. To get as far away from the French as possible.
(60) Date: 28/02/03 Name: Don Bierman Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'?
(59) Date: 28/02/03 Name: Kermit the Anti-Frog Sex: male Age: 21 to 25 Joke(s):
This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. Three guys are walking
down a street when they see a new store with a sign that reads,"CELEBRITY
BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A DECEASED CELEBRITY" All
three decide to go in and give it a shot.
(58) Date: 27/02/03 Name: smeghead68 Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s):
What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
(57) Date: 26/02/03 Name: Mike Orta Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Why do frenchmen carry shit in their wallets? The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification.
(56) Date: 24/02/03 Name: Leather boy Sex: male Age: 25 to 30 Joke(s):
An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule
Britannia". He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at
heaven's command ...", when some aliens saw him.
(55) Date: 23/02/03 Name: Jon Lunchick Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Going to war without france is like going to marine boot camp without
(54) Date: 22/02/03 Name: Yankee1 Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s):
An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam at the
breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him.
(53) Date: 21/02/03 Name: E Rabelo Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): What's the shortest book ever written? French War Heroes.
(52) Date: 21/02/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): From Texas,USA I read this on the back of a public restroom door. "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth to another Frenchman.
(51) Date: 20/02/03 Name: Xenomaniac Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): "A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "HEY! You can't bring that pig in here." The Frenchwoman says, "Excuse me...but that's a duck." The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck."
(50) Date: 20/02/03 Name: vneva Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a glass of
wine. The frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as
well.
(49) Date: 20/02/03 Name: LN Sex: female Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s):
Some more Anti-French jokes, I hope these get through.
(48) Date: 20/02/03 Name: nt given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S. I really like this one.
(47) Date: 19/02/03 Name: Sam Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s):
Here we go with yet another anti-French joke - What's the difference between
1943 and 2003?
(46) Date: 19/02/03 Name: Dee Sex: female Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for her family for dinner that night. She looked at the display of brains and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. "No ma'm," answered the butcher. "That is the correct price." "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" exclaimed the cannibal. "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" replied the butcher.
(45) Date: 19/02/03 Name: Mike Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q: Why do the French Smell? A: So blind people can hate them too!
(44) Date: 19/02/03 Name: Another Yank Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Q: Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*? A: Because it doesn't really exist.
(43) Date: 19/02/03 Name: Bill Baynes Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): What's green, cold, slimey and croaks - A Frenchman
(42) Date: 19/02/03 Name: Frank Hunt Jr. Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Why don't the French eat M&M candies? They're too hard to peel.
(41) Date: 19/02/03 Name: J P Adams Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? A Mirage
(40) Date: 18/02/03 Name: James Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Another French Joke.....Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy.....To see all their other ships.
(39) Date: 18/02/03 Name: Steve Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting without an accordian.
(38) Date: 18/02/03 Name: Denis Lutman Sex: male Age: 38 Joke(s): How did the French react to German reunification? They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.
(37) Date: 18/02/03 Name: Removed by request of sender Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): What do you call a man who only needs body armour on his back? Jacques Chirac
(36) Date: 18/02/03 Name: Mike Daniels Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s):
Hi Andrew, (who?)
(35) Date: 18/02/03 Name: Frank Mills Sr. Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
(34) Date: 17/02/03 Name: Armani Sex: male Age: 21 to 25 Joke(s): Why is good to be french? You can surender at the begining of the war, and US will win it for you.
(33) Date: 17/02/03 Name: Erik Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. It's never been fired but I heard it's been dropped once. Thanks to Erik and the other fourteen (I counted them) people who sent this joke to me within the last 24 hours.
(32) Date: 16/02/03 Name: Sgt Scott W. Boudreau Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): President Bush and the french ambassador to the U.N. were debating the Iraqi crisis. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. He further explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the madman could result in a bloodbath. The french ambassador, although, did not understand. It seems there is no word for"bath" in french.
(31) Date: 15/02/03 Name: Rick Farrell Sex: male Age: 21 to 25 Joke(s): Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? A: Not Enough.
(30) Date: 14/02/03 Name: no name Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q. How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Five one to sit on his
butt and watch and do nothing.
(29) Date: 13/02/03 Name: TheAsianGuy Sex: male Age: Old as the hills Joke(s): Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the forward gear comes in handy.... :)
(28) Date: 13/02/03 Name: not given Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Remember it from just after the war, but it goes: The French; they are a funny race, they fight with their feet, and fuck with their face!
(27) Date: 13/02/03 Name: Brian Sex: male Age: 25 to 30 Joke(s): Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? A: Welcome!
(26) Date: 13/02/03 Name: MADMAN Sex: Under 15 Age: male Joke(s): Where can you find 90,000,000 french jokes? In France. (I don't think there are actually that many French people, but a nice joke all the same).
(25) Date: 12/02/03 Name: Jacob Appleby Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Hey, I don't know if you've heard this one or not, but... Why do we need France on our side against Sadamm and Osama? So the French can show them how to surrender.
(24) Date: 12/02/03 Name: Todd Crabtree Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead french man In the middle of the road? There's skid marks In front of the skunk.
(23) Date: 12/02/03 Name: Annalisa Sex: female Age: not given Joke(s): A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only to find his bed with one sheet. He called the front desk and screamed "I want 'to sheet' on my bed right now!". He was asked to check out of his room. Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat in the hotel restaurant. Being European, he see expected to have both a salad fork and a dinner fork instead of the single fork on his table. This irked him, but he held his tongue. He ordered a "Patty Melt Hamburger" from the waitress. When she brought him his meal, he expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. He flew into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. OK? But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! Right now! Will you do it?" The manager of the hotel was summoned and the garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound frogs somewhere else."
(22) Date: 06/02/03 Name: David Bruce Sex: male Age: 55 Joke(s): Sauna
Summit in Paris
(21) Date: 31/01/03 Name: Daleran Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): I got another French joke for you: Q: How many frenchman does it take to gaurd Paris? A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before
(20) Date: 29/07/02 Name: Andrew Tunks Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): I
hope I am sending this to the right place, I was growing tired of looking for
where to sign the guestbook or the French jokes page (despite its constant
promise of a signing area). I am American by the way. Have fun : )
(19) Date: 23/06/02 Name: not given Sex: male Age: under 15 Joke(s): What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.
(18) Date: 09/03/02 Name: Dan Klein Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): HERES
A JOKE!!!
Name: hanson (mmm-bop!) Sex: male Age: Under 15 Joke(s): Y do frenchmen always were yellow tyes ? A: to match the teeth Whats the best place to hide your money ? A: under the soap of a frenchman
(16) Date: 13/08/01 Name: Rose Sex: female Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): I have a joke for you. A frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. the barman says "Thats an real ugle bird u got there. Where did u get it? The parrot says " i got it in France ..theres millions of em there"
(15) Date: 09/08/01 Name: Geoff Sex: male Age: 25 to 30 Joke(s): What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered during WWII? "Table for One Hundred Thousand?".
(14) Date: 16/07/01 Name: simon Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q-how can you tell if a frechmen has been in your backyard? A-your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!
(13) Date: 25/04/01 Name: Matt X Sex: male Age: 30 to 40 Joke(s): Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
(12) Date: 23/03/01 Name: Jenny Davies Sex: not given (but female one assumes...) Age: not given Joke(s): Q. What do you do if you see 90,000,000 dead french-men? A. Stop laughing and re-load!!
(11) Date: 14/03/01 Name: Anti-Christ Sex: male Age: 21 to 25 Joke(s): Q: How do you stop a French tank? A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!
(10) Date: 20/01/01 Name: Mr Shadow Sex: male Age: 15 to 18 Joke(s): Q: What do you call 20 dead frenchmen in the back of a lorry. A: A good days hunting.
Name: Guy Tanner Sex: male Age: not given Joke(s): Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water." Veni, Vermini, Vomui.
(8) Date: 16/12/00 Name: Matty boy Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? A: REVERSE! Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowing? A: Chuck his wife and kids in aswell.
(7) Date: 16/12/00 Name: Steve Forster Sex: male Age: 17 Joke(s): Here
are a few more jokes about the french from your friend, the funniest guy on
the web, Colonelcomedy.
(6) Date: 15/12/00 Name: Matty boy Sex: male Age: 18 to 21 Joke(s): Q: Why do French men have moustashes? A: To remind them of their mothers. Q: How long does it take a french woman to have a poo? A: 9 months
(5) Date: 12/12/00 Name: Steve Forster Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Colonelcomedy
has done it again and come up with another joke about those frnech idiots. Pierre was
approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the
gorilla for five hundred Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he
would have to think the matter over carefully.
(4) Date: 09/12/00 Name: Steve Forster Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): A psychology professor decided to study the way in which different people from different parts of Europe have sex with sheep. He traveled first to Wales, where he asks a farmer to explain his method: "Well, boyo, I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, grab her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Tidy!" The professor tries Scotland next "Hoots an' toots man, I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, grab her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Och aye tha noo!" The professor moves on to Germany: "Well, I find the most efficient way is to grab her with my velcro gloves, and we're well away. The professor is noticing a pattern developing, so he decides to try France, and then end his investigation. He stops a bloke by the Eiffel tower named Pierre, and asks him to explain the French method: "Well monsieur, I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, sling her front legs over me shoulders, and that's all there is to it!" The professor is excited to have found some national variation and tells Pierre that this is different to the methods of the Scots, Welsh and Germans. "How do they do it then?" asks Pierre, and the professor explains. Pierre on hearing the explanation walks of disgusted. "What! No kissing?"
(3) Date: 07/12/00 Name: Steve Forster Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): A FRENCHMAN named Pierre was walking through the small town he lived in with a friend. He pointed to a row of houses and says, "You see those houses? I built those houses! But do they call me Pierre the Housebuilder..No" They walked along a bit futher, and he points to a number of boats in the harbour. "You see those boats ? I built those boats! But do they call me Pierre the Boat Builder? NO!" Then he turns to his friend and says "BUT MAKE LOVE TO JUST ONE GOAT AND YOU ARE LABELED FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(2) Date: 29/11/00 Name: Steve Forster Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): Colonelcomedy is back with a great joke about the French, and this one is a real cracker. There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.' I told you it was a cracker!, what do you think of that one?
(1) Date: 28/11/00 Name: Steve Forster Sex: not given Age: not given Joke(s): I hope this is doctor Sinister himself and not just one of his cronies. To prove my loyalty to the cause I have a selection of jokes about the french for you to enjoy. Q. What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? A. The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better. Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A. So the Germans could march in the shade. Q. Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? A. Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished colouring in the second one ! Q. What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? A. bisexual. Doctor Sinister says: The Champs Elysee thing is already on the French page as it is common knowledge - but thanks anyway... |
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