SINISTER INCORPORATED

 

The story of the Turd Marketing Board is one of the most infamous periods in advertising history. Everyone knows that people who work in advertising agencies are insane - how else could they even hope to advertise pairs of jeans with a fluffy yellow "creature" named Flat Eric, and who else could create posters supposedly advertising cigarettes that don't even feature the product?!?!?! I mean, what's THAT all about? Or how about this one then - three frogs sitting on a tree stump in a swamp, burping - that's supposed to make us want to drink beer. EH??

BEER??

Come off it guys - frogs can't even DRINK beer- THEY WILL DIE. Osmosis or something - Am I really supposed to want to buy Budweiser because a freaking FROG told me to? Frogs eat flies as well - does this mean I want to go out and catch insects? I don't think so.

This advertising lark is obviously an art that we mere mortals fail to comprehend. Having said this however, I would like to work in advertising simply because they must give out free drugs or something - they HAVE to, it's the only explanation for the whacked out ideas that we see every day.

In 1995, after a survey of the toilet-going public, the newly formed UK Government Agency of Water Closets came to the conclusion that, quite simply, people weren't shitting enough.

Approaching the advertising agency of Marx, Cohen and Sons, they came up with the idea of actively PROMOTING the act of pooing more, by encouraging the eating of high-fibre foods such as Heinz Baked Beans and Prunes.

In a controversial move, the agency countered this suggestion with a series of billboard adverts that would be placed around the city of London - encouraging people to let go of more shit from their backsides.

Not surprisingly, the resulting campaign prompted several demonstrations by clean-living folk, and was extremely short-lived. Questions were even asked in the House of Commons and the Government Agency was eventually totally disbanded and its members publicly garroted.

The advertising agency was the victim of a firebombing attack by the disgusted Japanese Ministry of Wee-Wee and virtually no original examples of the billboard adverts remain - except that which you see on this page.

Most of these adverts are actually reproductions, the originals being so fire-damaged that they are almost illegible.

 

1) Abraham Lincoln

The use of old "Abe" was decried by the Americans who threatened to start World War Three against the UK. This advert was hurriedly withdrawn and pulped.

2) "Dump" the Donkey

Intended to be the campaign's mascot, Dump was originally meant to be an "Ass" in a strange sort of word-pun. Either way you look at it, the British Public hated him.

3) Laying the Log

The original version of this advert featured a simple log felled from a tree.

4) The Tick

Positive images like this one were to form the cornerstone of the campaign.

5) Clicking the heels

This one speaks for itself really.

6) The Hourglass

Intended to show that you needn't commit lots of time to having a poo.

7) Crap

The Agency came up with lots of euphemisms for the act of shitting.

8) Cool fireworks

This advert was to appear on Bonfire Night.

9) Dump

One of the most memorable slogans - this advert was destined for public urinals.

10) Crap

Featuring a steaming pile of shit, this was the advert that eventually caused the cancellation of the entire campaign. This particular poster was remarkably intact after the bombing of the advertising firm, and we have managed to incorporate an image of the actual picture used on the original poster -hence the slightly dodgy quality.